Chapter 14 - Mars Fanfic

Chapter 14

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The next day, Jared, Muna, Anna & Sophie went to the super-market. Shannon was still recovering from his hangover.
Jared: Of course we will not follow your list, Sophie…
Jared grabbed a big basket.
Sophie: My list rules! What do you say girls?
Muna & Anna: YES!!
Jared: I’d like you to stay alive until you’re 30. Now, let’s go, we have some shopping to do.
Jared walked away while the girls folded their arms and stood still. After some minutes, Jared realized he wasn’t being followed by the girls.
Jared: Aw right, so now we’re gonna play ‘Hide & seek’ in the super-market. How funny.
He didn’t get an answer. Jared continued speaking to himself.
Jared: Never mind, I’ll do the shopping on my own.
He was singing a tune while shopping. When he was almost done, he stumbled upon the girls…with full ‘unhealthy’ baskets.
Jared: No, I’m not giving you money to buy these.
Anna: Too bad our uncle gave us some money this morning.
Jared: Shannon would never agree with this shopping list, are you kidding me?
Muna: Well we told him that we’re going to the bookstore & we’d love to buy the new Harry Potter book cause Rowling has a signing today. In fact each one of us would like to buy it. So yeah he agreed.
Jared frowned.
Jared: No, you didn’t! He couldn’t actually buy that, the latest Harry Potter book was released…oh my God…the drunk Shannimal syndrome. YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF IT!
Muna: Right. Now let’s see who’s faster to make it to the cashiers!
The girls ran, followed by Jared. Unfortunately for the girls, Jared had practiced his jumping skills during the latest shows, so he jumped over some baby & shop trolleys to make it quick. And he did. He arrived first to the cashiers.
Jared shouted: BITE MY DUST! (Everyone turned around to look at him)
Sophie: The fact that you made it first to the cashier, doesn’t mean we will not buy our groceries. Okay, go on, you’re first on the line.
Jared: What do you mean? I won so you’re not….
Super-market assistant: Can you give me your things, sir? We’ve got some work to do.
Jared looked at the assistant.
Jared: Oh yeah sure, let me get my wallet.
Jared opened his wallet. He searched for dollars but he only found euros.
Jared: No way, I used my wallet yesterday, I had dollars in that wallet, what happ…
Anna started giggling.
Jared: OH NO YOU DIDN’T!
Muna, Sophie & Anna burst into tears from laughter.
Sophie: Please sir, step back, there are people waiting for you in the line.
Jared gave an awkward smile to the people who were waiting for him to leave.
Jared to the girls: I will kill you at home.
Jared to the assistant: Cancel the…you know…I don’t have my money so…you get it…well…
Super-market assistant: Yeah, right, we get it, now walk away.
Jared was watching the girls putting their groceries into the super-market bags when he saw that they had bought more than 20 candles.
Jared: What are all those candles for?
Anna: Aw didn’t we tell you? We will bring some friends tonight at home & call some spirits.
Jared smiled.
Jared: Ha, alright, anyone specific you’d like to have a convo with?
Muna: Kurt Cobain would be awesome.
Anna: Oh my God, do you think we can contact him?
Jared didn’t comment and he helped them with the groceries.
Sophie: So daddy, will you join our convention tonight?
Jared: Convention? Nah, I’m too old to play the witch. Go, have fun with your friends.
The girls & Jared arrived home to see Shannon drinking coffee.
Shannon: Oh my God, I’m finally….I think I’m on earth again.
Jared: Jeez, Shan, you gave money to the girls for a book which was released years ago.
Shannon: So what? Can’t they buy it?
Jared: They told you it was the premiere with author signing. Do you really think fucking Rowling would be nearby today? It would be all over the news!
Shannon: Dude seriously, do you think I would be able to think about ALL of that crap?
Jared agreed.
Muna: Dad, what should we cook for lunch today? Not anything heavy I suggest.
Jared: Why is that?
Muna: Because if we contact any spirit with anorexia, it might get pissed off!
Jared: Jesus Christ, what am I hearing….what do you have in mind for lunch?
Sophie: Don’t mean to turn you off guys or anything, but we only have bacon & eggs.
Anna: Let’s eat bacon & eggs with chocolate muffins!!
Jared: Wait a minute, I need to throw up.
Jared ran to the bathroom.
Anna: Uncle, I think our daddy is pregnant.
Shannon smiled.
Shannon: With your bacon & pepperoni baby?
Muna: Uncle, our daddy doesn’t eat meat.
Anna: Yes. Probably he’s having a veggie baby.
Shannon: Question. Are we really doing this conversation or is this a part of my drunk dreams?
Later that day, the girls invited two friends at home so they could start their plan.
Muna: Dad, we brought two friends with us, hope you don’t mind?
Jared: No, of course not. Get them here, I’d like to meet them.
Muna asked Claire & Ocha to come to the living room.
Ocha: Hello, mister Leto, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you!
Jared: Please, call me Jared. I am not that old! Do I look that old?
Clare: You definitely don’t.
Jared smiled and blushed.
Jared: And what’s your name?
Clare: My name is Claire. Nice meeting you…Jared!
Jared: Sophie, go get the girls something to drink and eat. You are being a horrible host so f….Clare, you brought a guitar! Are we singing?
Clare: Aaah…maybe. We intend to call spirits with musical education.
Anna clapped.
Anna: Dad join us pleaseeeeeeee.
Ocha: Yes you should, it’s gonna be so much fun!
At that point, Jared realized Ocha had brought a cat with her.
Jared: Ocha why did you bring your cat with you?
Ocha: Oh well, I thought that we should indicate to the spirits we are pet-friendly.
Muna: Ocha shhhh….they might be listening.
Ocha: No, they can’t be listening! We haven’t summoned them.
Jared: You are the one who will call the shots? With the summon and all?
Ocha: Oh yes!
Clare: You should join us, it’s harmless you know.
Jared: Ha, do you think I’m afraid? I’m not afraid of all these…spiritual…emm…
Jared stepped back.
Jared: …I’m really into the mood, that’s all.
Sophie: You’re always such a turn-off, the uncle & Tomo will join us!
Jared: No, they won’t! Tomo is at his home and your uncle should be out for cigarettes. (after some thinking) Oh my God, what time is it?
Clare: 8.30!
Jared: You’re kidding! He’s gone for an hour and he still had that hangover when he left, let me call him.
Jared called Shannon.
Shannon: Hey bro!
Jared: Dude, where are you? You’ve been gone for an hour and the girls here are telling me that you will join their ghost meeting.
Sophie: IT’S SPIRIT MEETING, JESUS DAD.
Jared whispered ‘Whatever’.
Shannon: Oh yeah, I’m definitely joining that one.
Jared: Where are you, dude? And why on earth would you join this…(Jared looked at Ocha and Clare)…peaceful and spiritual meeting?
Shannon: I’m on mrs Marple’s house, dude! She is not that bad, Jared, not at all.
Jared blinked twice.
Jared: WHAT ARE YOU DOING AT MARPLE’S? The woman is evil!
Shannon: No, she is not evil, we are actually drinking some scotch now…oh my….
Jared: Where is she? Can you talk?
Shannon: She is in the bathroom…oh my God….Jared…now I see, she’s trying to get me drunk! You need to get me outta here.
Jared: Shit, Shannon! I’ll see what I can do, maybe if..
Shannon: I gotta go now. She is coming!
Shannon hung up.
Jared: Girls, do you mind if you postpone the ghost thing for a bit?
Muna: IT’S A SPIRIT THING! DON’T INSULT THEIR SOULS.
Jared: Alright, yeah this.
Anna: Only if you join us!
All together: AGREED.
Jared thought about it a bit.
Jared: Cool, okay you got me, I’ll join you.
Anna: HOORAY!
She hugged Jared.
Sophie: Hmm, Tomo should be on his way though…and why the hell…
Muna: SOPHIE!
Sophie? What?
Muna: THE SPIRITS! Those words you’re using! Ts ts ts.
Sophie got terrified and closed her mouth.
Sophie: Aw well…why is our uncle to mrs Marple’s?
Jared: Long story! I need your help now, we need to get him out of there.
Everyone thought about it for a while but none had an idea until Clare spoke.
Clare: I have an idea!
Muna: Shoot.
Claire: So, the girls have talked to me about this psychopath and they’ve also told me that she has a thing for you, Jared, so why don’t you…well…flirt with her? I’m afraid it is the only way to get into the house and get your brother.
Jared froze for some seconds.
Jared: HE FUCKING OWES ME IF I DO THAT. She is disgusting.
Anna: Come on dad, fight! For our uncle…Imagine what she could be doing to him now!
Jared: GIRLS, LET’S GO NOW.
Jared & the girls rushed themselves to Mrs Marple’s house.
Jared: So I just knock?
Clare: Yes! What else could you possibly do?
Jared: Alright, alright and then what?
Ocha: Is it the first time you hit on a woman, Jared?
Jared: No, it is the first time I hit on a monster.
Sophie: Dad, just pretend she is a supermodel and you will take her home later tonight.
Jared growled at the girls.
Jared: Will you blindfold me so I can make the ‘sexy fantasies’ thing easier?
Muna: DAD, we’re losing time, just knock the goddamn door!
Jared knocked the door and mrs Marple opened it.
Mrs Marple: My dear!
Marple tried to hug Jared but he told her he was sick so she shouldn’t be touching him.
Mrs Marple: Aw you care so much about me, don’t you?
Jared: Yeah, yes. That’s a fact. Where is my brother?
Mrs Marple: He is at the living room. We’re drinking whiskey for you.
Jared: For me? Oh you shouldn’t…
Anna whispered to Jared: Now dad, pray that you’ll live the next 5 years with her whiskey curse..
Ocha: Anna! Watch your mouth. The spirits!
Anna: Oops, damn, sorry yes.
Mrs Marple leaded them to the living room where Shannon was sitting there on his own.
Shannon: GUYS! YOU’RE HERE!!
Sophie: Uhm yes, now we should be leaving , shouldn’t we?
Clare: Yes, Tomo is probably already waiting.
Mrs Marple got furious.
Mrs Marple: You’re not going anywhere! I locked the doors.
All together: YOU DID WHAT?!
Mrs Marple: Jared, darling I should show you something. Wait a minute.
Mrs Marple headed to the bedroom.
Jared (quietly): Muna! The keys, find the keys!
Muna: Why me??
Jared: Cause you’re the one who always hides stuff from others, the last time you hid my boxers in the cookie jar. You can guess where she…
Mrs Marple entered the living room again. She was wearing a wedding dress.
Shannon gave the what-the-fuck look at Jared.
Jared: Happy to see you’re finally getting married. Which hot model fell in love with you?
Mrs Marple smiled and she stepped towards Jared.
Jared was stepping back.
Mrs Marple: You’re always such a gentleman, Jared! At first, I wondered why you set restraining order against me, but then I remembered you are the traditional type of man. You didn’t want to see me before the wedding, didn’t you?
Jared: WHAT?????!
Mrs Marple: I understand. I understand that all this time you wouldn’t be able to resist sneaking in my house and seeing me and my wedding dress, so that was the reason of the restraining order, wasn’t it?
Jared: WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN….
Mrs Marple: Oh hush. Today is the day then, huh? Finally, finally we will live our eternal love, away from these creepy daughters of yours…
Anna: DAD, SHE CALLED ME CREEPY!! TELL HER SOMETHING!!
Meanwhile Muna was searching the house for the keys but it was unable for her to find them.
Jared: GET OFF OF ME, GET OFF OF ME, BITCH!
Mrs Marple pushed Jared to the sofa and climbed on him.
Shannon stood up and tried to pull her from Jared but she and the wedding dress were too heavy. The girls also tried but mrs Marple was hitting them with her heels.
Clare: OUCH, OUCH!
¬¬Muna grabbed her phone and locked her self to the bathroom quickly and dialed Tomo’s phone number.
Tomo: Where the fuck are you, guys?
Muna: Tomo, you need to save us! We are at mrs Marple’s house and she has locked us in. She has put up a wedding dress and she is ready to marry dad!!
Tomo: What?! Did Jared say yes?
Muna: NOOOOOOO, NO! She is attacking him, you need to come and save us!
Tomo: Alright, I’m on my way!
Some minutes later, Tomo was outside of mrs Marple’s house. He was holding a golf club. He broke the front window of mrs Marple with this.
BAAAAAAAM.
Everyone turned around and stopped fighting against mrs Marple for a minute to see the broken window. Tomo invaded in the house.
Tomo: WHO CALLED THE CRAZY MOFO?!!! THIS IS WAR!
Jared: Oh thank GOD!
Mrs Marple: You’re not going anywhereeeeeeeeeee.
Mrs Marple grabbed Jared’s legs.
Jared: LET ME GO, CRAZY BITCH!
Tomo got Hairjet out of hit pocket and he spread it all over mrs Marple’s hair.
Mrs Marple began screaming.
Mrs Marple: WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY LOVELY HAIR, YOU SICK BASTARD!
Jared finally got a hold of himself and stood up. Shannon stood up too. The girls congratulated Tomo and Tomo hugged them.
Tomo: This one’s for you, wedding psycho! GET THE MOFOHAWK DISEASE UP YOUR ASS. Let’s go, guys!
Everyone stepped out of mrs Marple’s house.
Shannon: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT. MY ARMS!
Clare: What about my legs? This bitch hit me hard.
Ocha: I think we need to hurry. It’s 11 o’clock. If we summon the spirits after midnight….we might have unpleasant consequences.
Shannon: Oh right, about that….are we really gonna do this? There’s no need to!
Sophie: Uncle, don’t be a…you know. We’re doing it now! By the way, one question Tomo. How come you had the Hairjet with you? I thought you hated this thing.
Tomo: I wanted to experiment on Jared’s hair today, that’s all.
Jared looked at him.
Jared: WHAT THE FUCK DUDE. MY HAIR !
Jared stroked his hair.
Clare: And hey Tomo, why did you bring a golf club with you? I mean that was way too COOL.
Tomo: Giiiiiiirl, some of the spirits might be the athletic type, what were you thinkin?