If you want something real, please stop reading it cause it'll be too fairy tale for you. What caused me to lose everything? I don't remember. So let's start by blaming something we all love. Music. Oh yes. We all love to point the finger at the media guy; love and lust; loss and gain. Suddenly everyone's surprised, why the rape? Why the killing? Why the violence? Oh yes, it's has got to be the music.
People have spent years blaming our favorite bands for everything. Let's spill the name; Thirty seconds to Mars. They blame this band because they are unable to blame themselves for not being there when they should have.
"You are obsessed with them, you should see a doctor." My mum said.
Really mum? Really? Maybe you should have seen a doctor a long time ago when your kid wasn't alright and was crying everyday for no apparent reason.
At times, I sit here in my room; I sit and think, what if I were left alone? Would I try and think up friends? Family? Goals? Dreams? And as I failed with each and every try, would chilling, fragile tears roll down my cheeks? Would I take them all for granted, or would I love them and cherish them with everything I've got? And as I grow up, will I ever feel love, sadness, joy, anger, success, frustration, accomplishment, dismay, betrayal? Would I ever grow up and become somebody?
After those two beautiful years, I have the answer. I am not alone. I found friends. And when I say friends, I don't mean some random people with whom you have a nice time and some fake laughs. No. I found friends that everytime I am down, they will get their ass off the chair and they will come and hug me and tell me everything is going to be alright. I found friends that I care for. I thank them for allowing me to enter their lives and even maybe make it a bit better with my existence. I just hope.
We share the same passion and dream with those people. Thirty seconds to Mars. We are different, yet we are one. Thirty seconds to Mars. We are beautiful and ugly at the same time and we love it. Thirty seconds to Mars.
We are sane and insane. We love Thirty seconds to Mars & we really mean this.
Love. Is it the feeling of warmth, comfort? This is what we feel for each other and this is what we feel for this band. This feeling rose during these two years even more. Do you know why?
Because this band which includes Jared, Shannon & Tomo (and not only) tried to visit every goddamn place in this world. They wanted to please each one of us, each member of their family. What's even better? THEY MADE IT.
I really don't know why you're still reading this, if you don't believe it.
Those people gave away more than 300 concerts for each one of you. Exclusively for you. For you who understand. I don't know if it's only just me, but everytime I attended a Thirty seconds to Mars show, I felt beautiful. I felt complete. I felt like I was actually doing someone for myself, something worth having.
You know how everyone is, these days; Striving for the perfect face, starving for the thinnest body. Crying as you shove the last burger bite into your mouth; after all, do you want to fail? Why are you still reading this? Not emotionally corrupted enough? Well then, let's keep on going.
Those people made us forget about all these. During these two years they helped us understand that you don't achieve perfection that way. Do you know what perfection is? If you don't love someone, you pretty much don't.
Perfection. Perfection is having a taste of your dreams. Jotting down the 'tick' sign next to every goal of yours. I wouldn't have known that if it wasn't for Thirty seconds to Mars. Someone had to tell me. They did. They were the first and only ones who actually cared to motivate their family to GET UP AND DO SOMETHING for themselves. They didn't earn anything from it. They only felt like it was their duty to help us, the Echelon.
Serious thought, what are you doing writing at 7:35 P.M. to the light of your iPod? It's not like you're hurt. Wait, are you? Isn't hurt just realization of failure? You can't know, because you never tried to fail. You can't help someone if you don't believe in them, and neither can Dr.Phil, Oprah, Montel Williams, no, not even Jerry Springer, and especially not you. Those men believed in us. So excuse me while I love the people who changed my worldview and helped me overcome my depression. Excuse me. Eventually you'll realize that everything is under your control as long as you open your eyes and see. See what you are good at. See what you are bad at. It'll save you time, I promise. There's a tear in your eye…
Make sure you have people you can fall back on. I have now. You know who you are. You are miles away and you might be sleeping now because we are in a different timezone. Who cares? We are still united through our admiration for this band. We have different visions, dreams, talents, turn-ons and offs but in the end, we are all the same. Somehow we all got corrupted at some point in our lives and thanks to these people and the 300+ memories they gave us, we are still back up again, kicking asses. Or at least we're making progress.
"My stupid mom hates me because she didn't get me the $2,000 sunglasses! I'm going to go and indulge in self mutilation." PAHHH-LEASE! Go play in traffic; and while you do that, I have some socks to wash.
Keep living your pathetic life where the only things that can make you 'happy' are THINGS. Not memories, not situations, not even people.
We learned how to live. You know, I see several people while I walk down the street and I observe every muscle of their face. Sad, sad sad. And a bit more sad.
They haven't LIVED. They haven't experienced that unconditional feeling that Thirty seconds to Mars managed to give us multiple times within those two years and I feel blessed. I feel blessed that not only I have experienced it, but I shared it with others too.
7:47 P.M. Why do I keep track of time you ask? Maybe my thoughts wake up at different times.
How long does it take to call someone your best friend? A year? Two? Thirteen? What if you don't see them for about five years?
I call the Echelon my best friends. I call those guys my best friends even if we don't really know each other. We have swapped feelings and experiences that I have never tried with the people I see everyday and I am sometimes forced to call friends.
Things can change in the span of two seconds, or they can stay the same for a long time and never change. The irony of FATE; It doesn't exist. You decide what happens. You will either finish reading this and do nothing about it or you will wake up the next day and write down the things you want to do before you die. Start tomorrow, make a list and start living your life because you have only one left to live. You say you've seen too much, lost too much. you say you've done so much it's useless to make an attempt -- but the sole reason for my existence is right in front of me.
To the Echelon:
Every single time I look over you, I just want to hug you and make sure you're comfy and do whatever else to make you feel alright. You are really, my number one. People think it has to be controversial, absurd, that I have to have a reason to say all these, but I really don't - we are the definition of survival. Regardless of how many disapprovals and scolding looks we got, we still came back to each other.
It's such a beautiful friendship, I'm getting all teary typing this. Fuck being a lawyer, an architect, a doctor - I've already done something with my life, I discovered the true meaning of friendship, the true meaning of passing all those mental barriers and actually fucking caring for someone to the core of your bones.
To Thirty seconds to Mars:
I will miss you. But that's okay, in the end, I think I needed to miss you to actually appreciate what you have done for us for all this time. I know you're here. I know you haven't left and fuck I'm not gonna let you. I love you so much and I wish you my best. My very very best, because even if I don't know you personally, I know you deserve it. You are the most hard-working people in the music industry and you have given us something precious. I don't think it has a name. Maybe it's better this way.
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So find yourself a friend and whisper to them all your secrets, all the fantasies you never tried to say out loud, let them wipe away all of your tears while you listen to Alibi.
I am only your mind; living, thinking, breathing and picturing all the things you never thought possible. And with that, I leave you here, in this place, in this state/province, in this country, on this planet, in this universe, and in this galaxy...until we meet again.
